Missing: One Hellmouth
by VampAmber
Summary: BtVS/Clerks - The Hellmouth gets moved, the Scoobies gotta stop some big bad evil from opening it, thus negating all existence(sorry, quoted Dogma there)
1. 1/?

  
Title- Missing: One Hellmouth  
Author- Me(Amber)  
Pairings- B/S(later in the story), W/T, X/A, and D/V(if I feel like writing Veronica in)  
Spoilers- None(AU)  
Rated- R, for language(Jay has one serious potty mouth)  
Disclaimer- I own nothing, Joss owns Buffy, Kevin Smith owns the Askewniverse, some big corporation owns Little Debbie, Twinkies, and Pringles. All I own is my twisted ideas, and my even more twisted brain(you don't want either, trust me)  
Distribution- Not that anybody would actually want this piece of... but if you do, ask me first, and don't forget to tell me where it goes(but please don't put it in the "This is how you shouldn't write fic" section, even though it pretty much belongs there)  
Feedback- Please? Feed my ego, it's starving to death(some of the feedback goes to Jessa(my original Beta), cuz it was a mess before she came in and cleaned it up)  
Author's Note- If you haven't seen Clerks yet, some of this may not make sense. Sorry, but I just love that movie, had to write a fic about it, sorry again  
Dedications- Bu(Kirsten), for loving this fic so much, for Debsie, cuz she's cool, and I miss her, and for my buds in the Buffy chat room, cuz they just plain rock sometimes  
Summery- the Hellmouth gets moved, the Scoobies gotta stop some big bad evil from opening it up, thus negating all existence(quoted Dogma there, sorry)  
  
Chapter One  
  
The outside of the Quick Stop seemed deserted. The only car that was in the parking lot belonged to Dante, the clerk working that day. The RST Video had, as per usual, been closed up. Inside the Quick Stop, Dante sat behind the counter staring almost blankly at a newspaper. Randal sat beside him with his feet propped up on the counter.  
"Who the hell declared today a national holiday without telling me first?" Randal asked, his voice full of impatience. "Even Jay and Bob have vacated the premises, and that's saying something."  
"Think of it this way, Randal," Dante told him. "If there's no one here, there's no one to annoy us. Grab a magazine, do whatever, and just be thankful they aren't here." Just as he finished his sentence, Jay and Silent Bob strode in the door. "I spoke too soon," Dante muttered before going back to his paper, effectively trying to ignore the outrageous duo. Of course, Jay and Silent Bob, well, mostly just Jay, aren't easy to ignore.  
"Why don't you guys go hang out at the mall or something? Bother someone else for a change," Randal asked. "Ya know, be good little hoods. Tag a bus, smoke a joint outside the liqueur store...terrorize little old ladies. Whatever. In other words, be anywhere but here." Upon saying this, Randal grabbed a magazine off the rack and headed back to his chair.  
As if protesting his move, a low rumbling began. It started out low, like a small tremor, but soon built on itself. Items fell off the shelves, glass broke, the ground shook, basically chaos ensued, leaving the Quick Stop in shambles.   
"What the fuck?!" Jay said, his voice intense. "What the fuck is happening?! This ain't fuckin' California, so why the fuck is an earthquake..." Jay was cut off by a low roar that made it's way through the store to where the foursome stood in shock.  
A swirling mass of light had opened up in the back of the store, like a portal in a science fiction movie. The men watched in awe, as the ugliest thing any of them had ever seen appeared in the portal. It was covered in tentacles and was dripping yellow slime that fell in globs to the ground, as it slowly but surely made it's way out of the rapidly shrinking portal.  
"What the fuck is that?!" Jay screamed, because the beast was growling so loud he had to shout to be heard over it. "It's like that fucking shit demon times ten!" He then proceeded to howl, "Kill that fucker!" over and over again.  
Silent Bob was staring at the monster, slack jawed, lost from his usual demeanor. After a moment, he regained his composure and began throwing anything he could grab at the advancing creature. Bags of chips and jars of salsa were flying across the room, but they had no affect on the monster, except making him more angry and mixing with the yellow slime on the ground, forming a revolting brown goo.  
Randal quickly joined in, throwing cans of Pringles and boxes of Little Debbie cupcakes across the room. Seeing that the Twinkies were doing nothing, Randal looked around, desperately searching for something to kill or at least stun the beast with, to give them time to escape.  
Dante finally got over his initial shock and watched as the six-foot tall snot octopus clawed at shelves and impaled loaves of bread on it's large claws. Looking around, he grabbed the heaviest object within reach-the emergency fire extinguisher. Letting out a yell, he ran to the yellow goo thing and tried to pound the small amount of lime green brains out of it's squishy mucus-head. Suddenly the fire extinguisher went off, spraying white foam all over the surrounding area, and covering Dante and the monster in the process. The creature, distracted by the foam, let out an ear piercing scream as it's grip slipped and it began being sucked back into the hole at an alarming speed. Dante leaped off the creature all of two seconds before it was pulled in completely. The portal closed, just as suddenly as it had opened. The only evidence to it's existence was the cracks in the floor and the piles of monster snot.  
Randal shook his head in shock, having given up his search for a weapon when Dante's inner warrior came out to play. He stared at the section of linoleum where, just seconds ago, the enormous goo-beast had struggled, and wiped off some foam that had landed on his shirt during the battle. "Ooooooooookay," he said. "That was definitely not you average, run-of-the-mill, annoying customer."  
  
****************************************************************************************  
Buffy paced back and forth, an intense look plastered on her face. She was in Giles' apartment, as were most of the other Scoobies. Xander sorted through the fridge, trying to seem useful, while Anya looked over his shoulder pestering him every few minutes on if he's found anything yet. Spike watched the news in the living room, and in front of him, Tara and Willow were sitting on the floor, each reading one of Giles' many large, dusty books. Dawn and Giles sat at the table, also reading from the collection of demonic information and prophesies full of cryptic messages hoping to avert the next apocalypse.   
At least Giles was reading, Dawn on the other hand, kept looking out the window and thinking, "Other teenaged girls are hanging out at the mall, but I'm sitting here reading books that have copyright dates older than America."  
Buffy suddenly let out a huge, and promptly dropped into an over-stuffed arm chair. "Are you sure you can't find anything?" she asked Giles, the intense face melting into one of hope. "Even just a small mention of something like this happening in the past?"  
Giles put his book down on the table, and got up to get a new one. "As I've told you before, Buffy, I can't even find the vaguest mention of anything like this. It would take a great deal of magick to pull off something like this, and before now, there was never a person strong enough to do it." He frowned, and sat back down, opening up his new book, hoping it could shed some light on their predicament.  
Buffy's face fell as her hopeful mood was dashed. "But the Hellmouth doesn't disappear every day, you know? We haven't seen a demon, vamp, or any kind of nasty for three days! And from what Willy said, everybody sure was in a hurry to leave." She needed something to do, something to keep her mind off the problem at hand. Pacing had only made it worse. She went over to Spike, and kicked him in the leg. Spike yelped at the unexpected blow to his knee cap. "You could help, you know?" Buffy said.  
Spike, still rubbing his leg from where Buffy had kicked it, replied in his most sarcastic voice, "Ooh, ooh, can I pace around the room, sighing and bossing everybody around?"  
Buffy was about to reply when the anchor woman caught her attention. "This is Carla West, reporting live from Red Bank, New Jersey, where an unexpected earthquake has just occurred." The petite brunette was shown standing in front of what looked like an ugly suburban dime store. "At four o'clock this afternoon, an unpredicted earthquake swept through Red Bank, leaving only small damage, save the Quick Stop, a local convenience store. Cracks in the flooring seem to point to it being the focal point of the 'quake."  
"What's the matter, Buffy?" Willow asked. Willow had been listening to the news cast, but it hadn't seemed important. Buffy turned to Willow. "Shhhhh, Buffy said, before turning her head back to the tv.  
The camera had been filming the cracks in the store's floor, but now the anchor woman was back along with another person. "This is Jay....umm, Jay, who was here when the 'quake hit. What was it like?" she asked him.  
The camera zoomed in on a guy who couldn't be older than twenty-five. He had long, stringy blond hair, covered slightly with a ski cap, even though it was hardly winter, even in New Jersey. "It was bleep cool," the Jay guy said.  
The anchor woman interrupted his story, "You can't say that word on this channel," she said. Jay seemed to get angry at this revelation.  
"Why the bleep not? I was the bleep person who saw that bleep monster pop his bleep head out of that bleep portal. bleep this bleep, I'm getting my bleep bleep oughta here, 'fore that bleep monster shows up again. Bob, move your bleep fat bleep." With that, him and a man wearing a long coat and smoking a cigarette went to leave the parking lot, Jay fingering the camera as they walked away, which was also censored.  
The anchor woman was talking again, but nobody was paying attention to a word she was saying. Buffy opened her mouth then closed it again, almost in disbelief. Finally, she said, "It looks like we don't have to put up 'Missing' posters. We've found our Hellmouth." All the Scoobies looked from the tv, to Buffy, then back to the screen. All they could do was nod in agreement.  
  
TBC.................  



	2. 2/?

Title- Missing:One Hellmouth  
Author- Me(Amber)  
Pairings- B/S(later in the story), W/T, X/A, and D/V(if I feel like writing Veronica in)  
Spoilers- None(AU)  
Rated- R for the whole story, only about PG for this part(yep, no Jay means PG, for noweg, don't worry, he'll be back next chapter)  
Disclaimer- I own nothing, Joss owns Buffy, Kevin smith owns the Askewniverse, and some other dude owns Star Trek(not that I'd even want it, bor-ing). All I own is my twisted ideas, and my even more twisted brain(you don't want either, trust me)  
Distribution- Not that anybody would actually want this peice of... but if you do, ask me first, and don't forget to tell me where it goes(But please don't put it in the "This is how you shouldn't write fic" section, even though it pretty much belongs there)  
Feedback- Love it, want more, writing only to get feedback... No, writing for the *sense of joy I get from writing*(hah!), and the feedback is just a happy coincidence  
Author's Note- If you haven't seen Clerks yet, some of this may not make sense(who the hell hasn't seen Clerks, though, it's only one of the best monies in the history of ever?)(done ranting, sorry)  
Author's Note 2- Spiral has not happened, hence the funny-ness of the RV scene  
Dedications- Bu again, cuz, like I said, she actually likes my work, to Debsie again, my Soulmate1, and yet again, to my buds in the Buffy room at Yahoo(also to Jessa for cleaning this up for me)  
Summery- the Hellmouth gets moved, the Scoobies gotta stop some big bad evil from opening it up, thus negating all existence(quoted Dogma there, sorry)   
  
Chapter Two  
  
Dawn stepped out of the RV, stretching. "Somebody remind me why we came here? Couldn't we have saved the world from the comfort of our very own home? The Internet has everything else, so where's savetheworld.com?" she complained, sounding very cross.  
Buffy stepped out next, followed by Xander, Anya, Willow, and Tara. "You know, Dawnie, New Jersey is the 'Garden State'. Maybe we could see some gardens..." Tara's voice trailed off, because even she realized how lame it sounded.  
"You're the one who wanted to come, Dawn," Buffy said in her big sister voice.  
"No, I wanted to get out of school for a few weeks, big difference," Dawn replied.  
sensing the fight that was about to start between the almost always clashing sisters, Willow interrupted in a false cheerful voice, "We're here. No more traveling. Roads trip over, destination reached." she smiled, then went on, "Was it just me, or did anyone else get the weirdest sense of déjà vu in that RV? I felt like 'Been here before', but I've never rode in one."  
Xander spoke up, "Yeah, definitely deja vu-ish. And the Harris family were never the 'Hey, let's go stay in the woods with no real connections to the outside world other than a tent' type, so definitely not rehashing on repressed memories of old camping trips."  
"Are we gonna talk about our bloody psychological problems for the next few hours or are we gonna get where we're going?" a grouchy voice said from the back of the RV. Spike, having been sleeping before their drive down memory lane, came to the front of the RV, his hair tousled and his shirt missing.  
Buffy turned towards him, and stuck out her tongue. "Spike," she said in a sweet voice, "You should really consider taking up sun-bathing." With that, she turned back to the others and started mapping out what they had of their plan so far. Not that there was much of one. More of a plan-let, a baby plan, waiting to grow up all big and strong. But it's all they had.  
"Ok, first things first, we need to check out that Quick Stop place. We'll do that after the sun sets so bleach-boy over there," she said, pointing at Spike, who was just now putting his t-shirt back on, "Can come with. Then we should try and find that stoner, Jay what's-his-name, and see what he knows."  
At that, spike let out a laugh. "Trust me, luv, that boy seems lucky that he even remembers his own name. He didn't strike me as an intelligent sort of chap, we'd probably get more useful info from a coma patient than him," he said, and then lit up a cigarette, still smirking.  
"Well, Spike," Buffy said, her voice seething with venom, "Right now, he's our only witness, so he's all we got. Next time, remember, if you can't say something important, don't say anything at all. But-" she smirked, "Then I guess you'd never speak...Not such a bad idea there, actually."  
Throwing up his arms in the air out of annoyance, he grumbled something about 'bloody bitch', and then called out from the back of the RV. "Wake me at sundown, I'm outta cigarettes."  
Sighing over the most recent battle between Spike and Buffy, dawn spoke, in hope of changing the subject. "Is anybody else here hungry? My stomach's totally telling me it's time for lunch."  
Buffy, kind of glad for the not-so-discrete change of topic, replied in a voice she hoped didn't show the tension from her argument, "Who's up for chicken?"  
  
****************************************************************************************  
Dante was stuck working, yet again. "It just goes to show you," he told Randal, "Just how ingenious some people can be. Who would have ever thought that a crack that size could be fixed with little orange traffic cones and 'Warning:Do Not Cross' tape." He was, of course, being sarcastic.  
The boss was in another 'cheap' mood, and didn't want to pay four-hundred bucks just to get the crack fixed. His solution was simply to close off that corner of the store. Not that anybody had really come that day. The last customer had left over an hour ago, and that was after just buying a newspaper and a pack of cigarettes. To say that business was slow would have been an understatement.  
"Everybody thinks we're closed," Dante added. "Because of the earthquake and all." He shifted in his seat, remembering that 'thing' that had come out of the crack.  
Randal, following his thought process, also shifted. "Ever figure out what the hell that thing was?" He asked. "Not every day, stuff like that happens."  
"It must have been the shock of the 'quake, made us see things," Dante replied, just for the fact that pretty much the only other possibility was that he was going crazy. And Dante really didn't feel like spending the next twenty years of his life in a little padded cell. He hadn't even told Veronica, and he told her everything. His girlfriend had rushed over right after the 'quake, checking on him, fussing over him, making absolute sure that that he was okay.  
"One more hour, then I can go home," he said, more telling himself than Randal.  
That was when the group of people walked in. Strangest damn bunch of people he had ever seen, in one group at least. Him and Randal watched as they walked straight back to the crack in the linoleum. They watched, slighty stunned, as they seemed to be studying it. Then the tall guy, with the white blond hair, stepped away from the others, and came up to the counter.  
"Pack of smokes, mate," he said, with a British accent. He pulled a few crumpled bills out of the pocket of his long duster. It was kind of like the one Silent Bob wore, only made out of leather.  
Dante handed him the cigarettes, taking the money while still looking at the group in the back. There was an older man wearing glasses, a few girls, and another guy. They were still studying the crack in the floor. 'As if my week hasn't already been weird enough as is' Dante thought to himself.   
Then one of the girls, the petite blond one, gestured to everybody else, and they all started back towards the door. Dante cleared his throat, and asked, "Can I help you with anything?"  
They stopped at the sound of his voice, and they turned around to face him. The blond one, who seemed to be the one in charge, spoke. "Yeah, actually, you could. We, umm... heard about the 'quake and we were, uhh... sorta curious about what happened. Were you here?"  
The youngest looking one butted in. "Was there really a monster?" The blond looked at her and scolded in a very commanding voice, "Daaaaaaawn, shhhhhhhhh!" But the young girl, Dawn, went on anyway. "That blond guy on tv said there was a monster, so was there?" By now, the whole group was starring at her, all looking like they were about to die of embarrassment.  
Dante just stood there, kinda shocked, but Randal quickly replied, "Yep. Big, ugly-ass monster, it came out of this portal thingie that looked like something right out of 'Star Trek'." Now it was Dante's turn to die from embarrassment. He looked at the group, expecting them to start laughing at how crazy the whole thing sounded, but was surprised to see them look all serious-like.  
"Yep, it's definitely what we're looking for," the blond said, as if confirming it to the group.  
Dante was blown away by this whole conversation. What?" he asked, beyond confused.  
The blond one looked at the others, then looked back at him and Randal, saying in a very serious voice, "That was a demon, and it came from the Hellmouth."  
Dante was too stunned to say anything, and all Randal could say was "Hellmouth?"  
"Ok, we have a lot to explain," said the blond leader. "It all starts out like this- My name is Buffy, and I'm a vampire slayer." She was serious. Dante and Randal just nodded. She continued, "You see, there's this thing called a Hellmouth..." she began to explain all about Hellmouths, vampires, demons, and anything else relevant she could think of. Dante and Randal just kept nodding. They sensed that she was telling the truth because she sounded so sure of herself. They couldn't help but believe, even the impossible.  
  
TBC..............................


	3. 3/?

Title- Missing:One Hellmouth  
Author- Amber  
Pairings- B/S(later in the story), W/T, X/A, and D/V(if I feel like writing Veronica in)  
Spoilers- None(AU)  
Rated- R(yep, Jay's back, creating havoc, as usual)  
Disclaimer- I own nothing, Joss owns Buffy, Kevin Smith owns the Askewniverse, and once again, a big ole company owns Oreo. All I own is my twisted ideas, and my even more twisted brain(you don't want either, trust me)  
Distribution- Not that anybody would actually want this piece of... but if you do, ask me first, and don't forget to tell me where it goes(But please don't put it in the "This is how you shouldn't write fic" section, even though it pretty much belongs there)  
Feedback- it's my life blood, and it makes me want to write more(hint hint), so be kind, and send as much of it as humanly possible  
Author's Note- having seen Clerks is a definite plus while reading this story, and having seen Dogma is a plus when reading this chapter, and having seen Mallrats is just fun, cuz it's a great movie  
Dedications- Bu, as always, cuz she is my biggest fan(as far as I know of), Debsie, cuz I love her sooooooooooo much, my bestest buds in the Buffy room at Yahoo, and a lil' slice of dedication pie goes to Jessa still, cuz she did Beta this for me  
Summery- the Hellmouth gets moved, the Scoobies gotta stop some big bad evil from opening it up, thus negating all existence(quoted Dogma there, sorry)   
  
Chapter Three  
  
Two hours after the story of the Hellmouth and Buffy being a Slayer was finished, Dante and Randal were still trying to take everything in. Dante had locked up the Quick Stop in a daze and Randal had been sitting in the same place for the last half hour, not moving.  
The Scoobies had pretty much wandered around the store after the story telling session was over. After about a half an hour, though, they had all started to get bored. Xander, Anya and Dawn were sat on the floor emptying a bag of Oreo's, Spike had been standing outside for the past few minutes smoking his pack of cigarettes and Giles, Willow and Tara had studied the crack more and now Giles was standing to the side watching Willow and Tara. They were trying to do some sort of magick spell to find out some more information. Last but not least Buffy had plopped herself down by the door and was just now starting on her third fashion magazine of the evening.  
It was then that Spike came back in, an impatient look on his face and an empty pack of cigarettes in his hand. "Ok, you guys have had about an hour to decide. Reach a decision yet?" He asked Dante and Randal.  
After Buffy had finished the story she had asked them if they wanted to help. Randal had said that they needed some time to think things over and they'd had over an hour now. Everybody was getting impatient but only Spike decided to say something.  
"Yeah, umm... I guess we'll help." Randal said, his voice lacking it's usual color, instead sounding dull and lifeless. Dante just nodded. "What would we have to do, anyway?" Randal asked.  
"Mostly you'd just help us by letting us use the Quick Stop, but you could also help with other stuff, if you wanted." Willow called from the back of the store before finishing up her spell and walking back towards the others, Tara at her side. "Well, we're done back here. We've learned all we can without having any spell books or ingredients. But we'll come back tomorrow."  
"Ok, we'll all go to our respected beds, and meet up here tomorrow." Buffy said, as she left the store, followed by the others.  
After they had left Randal looked at Dante and in a voice that sounded more like his own, he stated "Think of it this way, it probably can't get any weirder."  
  
***********************************************************************  
A cloaked figure stood over a big cauldron, stirring in ingredients and chanting in a low voice. "Yes," She muttered to herself. "Very good. . . very close to being done."  
A second cloaked figure came up to the first one but her hood was lifted back, revealing her face. She had long, straight, pale blond hair and gray eyes that seemed to burn with intensity.  
"What's close to being done, Gara? You never did tell me exactly what would happen." the blond complained.  
"For the last time, Aimee, I'm opening the Hellmouth. The spell takes two weeks to complete, and that damn slayer would have stopped me before I could even start if I hadn't moved the Hellmouth before she could notice. I've told you this so many times but you never listen!" Gara answered, her voice becoming more agitated, till the last sentence was almost uttered in a scream.  
Aimee was never a very quick-minded Darbin demon, but she was needed in order to open the Hellmouth. Darbin demons have the power to pass between the two dimensions of Earth and Hell and Gara hadn't been able to find any other ones who were willing to work for such little pay. So she was stuck with Aimee, at least until the Hellmouth was opened.  
Aimee, seeing that Gara was in a bad mood, quickly left. Gara continued stirring the mixture. "Tomorrow, we start the process." She said to herself. "And then, the world will end, hell will come forth. . . and I'll finally be rid of that damn Aimee!" A smile crossed her face. "Stupid minion!" She grumbled to herself, still stirring the mixture in the cauldron, which was slowly turning a violet color.  
  
**********************************************************************  
The next morning, Buffy got up and looked out the window of the little motel room she was sharing with Dawn. The sky was full of dark clouds but they didn't look like the kind that would cause an unwanted storm. "And the weather guy didn't say anything about a storm today." She said to herself, shrugging her shoulders. Going over to the little closet, she picked out what to wear today, saying to herself "I hope it doesn't rain, I didn't pack an umbrella."  
She got dressed, then went over to the second double bed in the room, and shook the lump underneath the cover. "Dawn, get up, we're leaving in a half an hour."  
Dawn groaned from underneath the covers. "I don wanna go ta school." A muffled voice came from the lump. Smiling, Buffy just shook harder.   
"Get up, or you'll be taking your shower earlier than planned." Buffy threatened.  
Dawn sat up fast at that. "I'm up, I'm up, no need for the ice water, I swear!" She cried. Six months ago, Dawn hadn't wanted to get up to go to school so Buffy had gotten a large glass of ice water and had dumped it all over Dawn while she was lying in bed. Since then, all Buffy had to do was threaten Dawn with the water and her sister would get up in a flash. All the fun of having a sister, she guessed.  
Dawn, like Buffy had, walked over to the window after she got dressed and looked out. "It's all cloudy." She remarked, seeming to take on Anya's habit of stating the obvious. But then she continued. "Since it's cloudy, does that mean Spike can go with us?"  
At this, Buffy groaned. "What is your deal with Spike? He is so annoying, how can you stand him?" Buffy asked, annoyed at the fact that now Spike would be coming along.  
"He's cool!" Dawn retorted, as if that explained it all. "I'll go invite him. Be right back!" She ran out of the room before Buffy could protest. All Buffy could do was sigh, kind of annoyed at Dawn's lack of hating Spike.   
Buffy grabbed her jacket, just in case it did start to rain and locked the door behind her, putting the key in her jeans pocket. Walking to the RV, she muttered with displeasure. "It's gonna be a long day."  
  
****************************************************************************  
Buffy and Dawn arrived at the Quick Stop just as Randal was getting there. Once again it was deserted except for the Scoobies, Dante and Randal. Spike, not even bothering to be polite any more, went behind the counter and grabbed himself a pack of cigarettes. With a 'Sod off' directed to all the dirty looks he was given, which was pretty much from everybody, he went back to last night's post, smoking outside.  
After opening the package and sticking a cigarette in his mouth he started searching through his duster's pockets, trying to find his lighter. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a lighter appeared igniting the end of his cigarette. Spike turned to see who had come out to join him and saw two vaguely familiar guys standing next to him. He couldn't seem to place where he had seen them before, but after a moment it hit him.  
"You are them two guys from the telly!" He said, then almost winced at how stupid it had sounded.  
"Telly? What the fucks a 'telly'? You sound like one of them fucking dumb asses from that fucking show on TV. What the fuck was that show called, Bob?" he said, and nudged the guy next to him. The other guy just shrugged. "Whatever." The blond said and the two walked into the Quick Stop. Spike followed them, in hopes of something interesting happening.  
It turned out he was right. Just as he entered he saw the blond guy try to cozy up to Buffy. She glared at him and then proceeded to turn around, punch him in the face and declare, in a very angry voice - "Not if you were the last living thing in the whole universe!"  
Spike couldn't help but clap. 'Gawd, she was hot when she got angry' Spike thought before he could stop himself. Lately, he had been thinking thoughts like this very often.   
Willow offered Jay a hand to help him off the floor. Taking it, he made sure to get himself a nice eyeful on the way up. Willow said, in her authority voice, "You're not exactly making a good first impression. Can it, or she'll can you." She threatened them, pointing to Buffy.  
Dante walked up at this point and made with the introductions. "These -" he said, gesturing to the blond guy and the other wearing the green duster. "Are Jay and Silent Bob. Jay is Red Bank's very own dealer. Speaking of which. . ." He said, turning to face Jay. "I told you to quit dealing in front of the store."  
"I wasn't fucking dealing. I owed her a fucking favor and I was paying her for it, kay?" Jay replied, tired of Dante telling him what to do.  
"Dealing?" Dawn said. "You mean dealing as in . . ." Buffy cut her sister off before she could go any farther. Buffy really did not feel like giving the 'Say no to drugs' older sister speech right now.   
"My name's Buffy." She said, in hopes of changing the subject. "This is Willow, Tara, Xander, Anya, Giles, Spike and my little sister Dawn." She pointed to each Scoobie as she said their name and emphasized 'little sister' as a very clear warning. She didn't want any misunderstandings with Jay by confusing him. Especially because he seemed to be a very easily confused person. All the drugs must have short-circuited his brain or something.  
"That thing you saw the day before yesterday. . . it was a demon. And that portal thingie, that was a Hellmouth." Willow explained, also sensing Buffy's protectiveness.   
The Scoobies expected more disbelief but Jay surprised them all. "Another fucking demon? Shit, what is the deal with all the fucking deal with all the demons? First that shit demon, then that damn Azreal fuck head, now this one. Fuck!" he said, ranting to the extreme.  
Buffy had tried to cover Dawn's ears when Jay had started ranting but after the second sentence, she pretty much gave up. Bob just repeatedly rolled his eyes throughout the whole tirade.  
Jay started back up again, after stopping to take a breath. "We should get Bethany. She'd kick demon ass. Bob, where the fuck is she this week, anyway?" Bob once again shrugged not saying a word. At the blank stares of the Scoobies, Jay explained. "She's the last scion or the second to last, or something. She's the great great whatever grand niece of Jesus. She can make fucking holy water and shit like that. Seriously fucking cool." Bob nodded in confirmation.  
"Remind me to never go to a pool party at her house." Spike mumbled, causing Dawn to let out a little giggle and Buffy to let out a little glare.  
"Sounds like we all have some explaining to do here. You guys start." Buffy told them, sitting down and getting comfortable.  
The next three hours were spent explaining most of the plot of the first four and a half seasons of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and the entire plot of the movie "Dogma", with a little bit of "Clerks" and "Mallrats" thrown in, just for some flavor.  
  
TBC....................................................


	4. 4/?

Title- Missing: One Hellmouth  
Author- Me(Amber)  
Pairings- B/S(later in the story), W/T, X/A, and D/V(if I feel like writing Veronica in)  
Spoilers- None(AU)  
Rated- R, for language(Jay's back, with a naughty magazine)  
Disclaimer- I own nothing, Joss owns Buffy, Kevin Smith owns the Askewniverse, James Cameron owns Titanic, Hugh Hefner owns Playboy, some cable network owns MTV, another network owns Baywatch, then some more big companies own Speedos, Snapple, and Harley Davidsons. All I own is my twisted ideas, and my even more twisted brain(you don't want either, trust me)  
Distribution- Not that anybody would actually want this piece of... but if you do, ask me first, and don't forget to tell me where it goes(but please don't put it in the "This is how you shouldn't write fic" section, even though it pretty much belongs there)  
Feedback- I love the stuff, but I'm getting a deficiency, from my severe lack of it(hint hint... bloody hint here, take it, don't make me hint again)  
Author's Note- This chapter's more BtVS-oriented, but having seen Clerks, Mallrats, or Dogma would help in understanding Jay and Silent Bob(then again, nobody could ever understand Jay, I doubt even Kevin Smith himself does fully)  
Author's Note 2- Sorry 'bout the Latin, it's the only phrase I know  
Dedications- To Bu, my soon-to-be new Beta, to Jessa, my old Beta(who cleaned up this chapter, as well as the other three), to Debsie, one of the coolest people I know, and to all my buds in the Buffy room at Yahoo, cuz, well, just cuz  
Summery- the Hellmouth gets moved, the Scoobies gotta stop some big bad evil from opening it up, thus negating all existence(quoted Dogma there, sorry)  
  
Chapter Four  
  
The Scoobies had only been in Jersey for a week but in that time they had killed at least twenty assorted demons and had dusted fifty-nine vampires. Dante and Randal were helping a lot and even Jay and Silent Bob were pitching in.   
But each day the clouds became darker, and Buffy became more agitated. The Scoobies still couldn't figure out the 'why's' and 'how's' of the Hellmouth being moved.   
"Jeeze!" Buffy said after killing yet another demon. "It's getting so where it's like the demon Mardi Gras here. Did New Jersey become party central and MTV just forgot to mention it?" Buffy sat herself down on a park bench. Willow and Tara settled down next to her and Spike opted for standing, trying to keep a cool demeanor.   
Willow looked at her watch. "It's almost time to meet the others, we'd better get going."   
"I'll go as soon as my feet stop screaming. Okay, new rule: Never go slaying in new shoes. Damn it, I could probably use a nice, looooooong bubble bath to just soak everything. We got any bubble bath stuff left?" Buffy started a conversation with Willow and Tara, almost forgetting that Spike was standing right there. And Spike preferred it that way. If Buffy wasn't paying attention to him he could stare at her without getting smacked in the face. At this point, he'd all but given up trying to suppress those thoughts. He had a crush on Buffy, he'd accepted it, mostly because he just thought he was lonely after Dru's departure and that Buffy was an easy substitute. Well, that's what he told himself, at least.   
"Spike, hello? You in there?" Buffy snapped her fingers in Spike's face. "Wake up!" she practically screamed in his face and watched as Spike jumped at her voice. 'Woke him up at least' Buffy thought, smiling.   
Spike shook his head, amazed that he had been so lost in thought. "Buffy, you're just amazing, you know that? Your company is so exciting, that I almost fell asleep on my feet." Spike didn't know why he kept insulting her. If he wanted her he should be nice, but Buffy always brought out the insult-y part of him.   
Buffy rolled her eyes at him in annoyance. "Bite me. Oh wait, I forgot, you can't! Poor baby." She then proceeded to stick her tongue out at him in what wasn't the most mature moment of her life. 'Why the hell does Spike always make me act all of five years old around him?' Buffy asked herself. 'Cuz he's cute.' Her mind butted in, before Buffy could stop it. 'And why the hell does he always have to make me think thoughts I really know I shouldn't be thinking?' Shaking the jumbled thoughts out of her head she started walking towards the center of the park, where the group was supposed to meet Giles, Xander, Dante and Randal.   
Meeting up with the others Buffy attempted to make small talk, desperately trying to forget her earlier obvious lapse in sanity. "So, how goes things? All still wild on the slaying front?" She bit back the giggle that wanted to come forth and make her sound like a little girl.   
Giles started talking, not noticing Buffy's inner struggle. "Well, we dusted three vampires and killed a Krace demon. All in all, kinda slow, considering the sudden boom in demonic activity. We really need to start looking in my books. . ." He was cut off by a lone vamp suddenly attacking their huddle. He was a new one, no more than a few weeks old and Buffy had it pinned beneath her with stake hand ready in less than a minute.   
"Do you guys come out of the earth lacking brain cells or something?" Buffy asked, taking out all her confusion on this vamp through insults. "I mean, big group of people." She pointed to everybody, then continued. "A group that includes a slayer. Then one little bitty newbie vamp, unarmed, and obviously very stupid. See where this is going? The end involves a you-shaped pile of dust." She readied her stake.   
The vamp spat on Buffy, then snarled out some words. "The Hellmouth's gonna open and you're the one who's gonna be dust, Slayer." The vamp started laughing maniacally and Buffy staked him without pause. Getting up she wiped the dust off her pants and the spit off her shirt.   
"Well, at least now we know the 'why'. Somebody felt like having a grand opening celebration for the Hellmouth. Tomorrow, we research." Buffy addressed the group, then started walking towards the Quick Stop where they would gather their things and head home, or in the Scoobies' case, to their hotel rooms. Everyone followed her, talking about the latest attempt at opening the Hellmouth.   
"I've seen that a lot of times now and it's still disturbing," Dante whispered to Spike. "How do you people put up with it?"   
"Think that's bad? You shoulda seen this one monster we went up against. The bloody thing exploded green innards all over us. And then there was this one. . ." Spike continued to recount stories of the most disgusting things slayed, all the way to the Quick Stop. By the time they got there, Dante looked a sort of green color and was feeling kind of sick.   
  
*************************************************************************************  
Gara threw some herbs in the air and chanted more words that Aimee could ever, with her tiny mind, understand. "Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes!" Gara uttered in a low, even tone. She was about to start the chant over when Aimee interrupted.   
"Whatcha doing?" She asked, her whiny voice grating on Gara's nerves like nothing ever had.   
"What the hell does it look like I'm doing? Planting quaint little rose bushes? Why do you always question the obvious? I'm in the middle of a very important part of the spell. It involves a lot of words you could never hope to understand, many spell ingredients that are very hard to find and an immense amount of concentration on my part. So unless you feel like living out the rest of your soon-to-be-short-life as a mushroom, growing on a tree in the woods, I suggest you leave immediately." She growled at Aimee to make her point as clear as possible.   
Aimee got it through her head faster than usual. "Okay Gara. Umm. . . It's lunch time anyway. So you can just stay here and talk to your leaves and powders. I'm outtie." With that she scrambled out of the room as fast as her long legs could carry her. Gara rolled her eyes and turned back to the job at hand as she continued to throw her herbs and potions into the Circle Of Darkness. Powders, leaves, and twigs fluttered all around, never leaving the circle.   
After completing the ritual, Gara sighed and started grumbling about Aimee under her breath. Suddenly, a vision hit her. She screamed, hit the floor on her knees, then started cursing. "Damn it all!" she screamed.   
Aimee, unable to curb her curiosity, rushed into the room. "What's the matter Gara? Did the leaves wilt?" She asked. She smacked her head out of stupidity. "Wait, duh! You had a vision, right?"   
"Yes, I had a vision. The slayer has found out about my plan. A stupid vampire told her." Gara replied.   
Aimee looked shocked. "The slayer knows? Does that mean we have to quit here and start all over again somewhere else? Cuz I hear Paris is lovely this time of year. . ." Gara interrupted her.   
"No, it does not mean we have to start over! It just means that we will have to be very careful. It is too late for the slayer to stop it now." She grinned an evil, bad-guy grin. "We will succeed, I promise you that."   
"Darn, and I wanted to go to Paris." Aimee pouted but left the room again.   
"We will succeed, then I will shove a steel beam through your dense head." She articulated in a low voice to Aimee's back. Then she smiled again at the image of a large steel beam protruding from the back of Aimee's yappity brain.   
  
********************************************************************************  
"I swear those clouds are mocking us! As the situation gets darker, so do they. See? Clouds don't get greenish-black all on their own." Buffy was getting very depressed and very paranoid because of their situation. It was the next morning and everybody was gathered at the Quick Stop reading Giles' books, Jay and Silent Bob included.   
Actually, while the others were reading, Jay had a Playboy hidden in his book and Bob kept glancing over at it.   
Buffy sighed and put her head down on the make-shift table they had put together. They had been reading since about eight o'clock, but they had still found nothing. Her mind started to wander, as did her eyes. They both wandered till they met on the subject of Spike. She had been staring at him two minutes before she even noticed.  
'WHY!?' she screamed in her head. Buffy could not understand why she kept thinking of Spike. 'It's the pressure. Yeah, that's it, all the pressure of the latest apocalypse. It's making me go nutty, making me think Spike looks good. Well, he does look good.' She admitted to herself. 'But still, I'm not supposed to be thinking that. I mean, it's Spike. I hate him, despise him, loathe him, which means I shouldn't be picturing him in a Speedo, all Baywatch-like.' Shaking her head, Buffy tried to get rid of that image but it was only replaced by a new and no less sinful one.   
This time he was wearing black leather and beckoning for her to come on a ride on his Harley. 'Go away!' She ordered her head in a mental whimper. But once again all that happened was a new image appeared. This time she was dressed like an old-fashioned silent movie star. Spike was shirtless and kissing her until she was gasping for breath. Finally giving up Buffy surrendered herself to the image.   
It felt nice to kiss Spike. She knew she was going crazy but hey, with Spike there kissing her, crazy wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. She smiled at the thought.   
Suddenly the sound of breaking glass brought her back to reality. She jumped up and looked around, Slayer senses tingling. But glancing around the room she finally noticed that all that had happened was Dawn dropped a Snapple bottle.   
"Ooh, I'm so sorry! Lemme clean it up." Dawn grabbed the mop and bucket that Dante had been dragging out of the supplies closet and started mopping up the iced tea and glass.   
Buffy, doing the big sister act, told Dawn to watch out for glass. Dawn replied by sticking out her tongue and saying "I'm not a kindergartner. I know to watch out for glass. Duh!" Dawn shook her head in annoyance at her sister, and resumed mopping.   
Jay went back to his 'studies' and the others went back to theirs. Buffy continued with her Spike-oriented daydreams. She was in the middle of a new version of Titanic, with her as Rose, Spike as Jack and a new happy ending, when she heard someone call her name. Coming out of her daze, she replied with an almost-sleepy sounding "What?"   
"I've only been calling your name for the past three minutes. Are you okay Buffy?" her Watcher asked with concern. She looked like she was about to keel over, right there.   
"I'm okay, just a bit tired. Doing the super-slayer thing for the past week has kinda worn me out, is all." She partly lied. It was somewhat true because the extra slaying had been taking a toll on her energy.   
"Maybe you should take a night off. In fact, maybe we should all take the night, get some rest." Giles suggested. Everybody agreed immediately, not wanting to pass up what was probably the last chance to rest before the whole Hellmouth thing was resolved.   
Jay spoke up from the back of the store, the Playboy as close to forgotten as it could be around Jay. "I know of this great club. Fucking expensive to get in but it's got some great music and fucking cheap beer. They're having this huge fucking party tonight. Me and this tubby bitch were going anyway, you guys oughta come with. It'd be fucking cool." He and Silent Bob got up, Jay shoving the unpaid-for magazine in his coat, hoping no one noticed it, but not caring if they did. They started walking towards the door. Buffy stopped him.   
"I need a serious break so I'm in." Quickly, she grabbed her coat as her mind started sorting through wardrobe options.   
"We'll go too." Willow said, pointing over to Tara.   
"I've never been to a big club." Tara added shyly, a smile on her face. Everybody was sick of reading the old, dusty books. Even Giles.   
Spike shrugged his shoulders. "Might as well. Not like I had other plans or anything."   
"How 'bout it An?" Xander turned and asked Anya. She nodded already imagining what she was going to wear.   
"I'll go!" Dawn piped in.   
"Over your dead body." Buffy butted in. "Clubs and my fourteen year old sister do not mix. Beer and my sister mix even worse. Wanna push your luck?" Buffy asked, playing the 'I'm the one in charge, so you'll listen to me or else' role.   
"Can't say I didn't try, at least. You were so spacy earlier, I figured you'd let me." Dawn crossed her arms in anger and stomped out of the Quick Stop, having a miniature version of a temper tantrum.   
"I'll stay and watch her." Giles volunteered. He had planned on staying in his room and doing nothing, anyway. "That way you can party without worrying too much."   
"Thanks Giles!" Buffy said before turning to face the others and addressing them. "Okay, break now. We meet back here tomorrow, about eight-ish. No demon-y stuff till that time tomorrow, kay? Good. I'm going to take a really long bath so nobody bother me." She walked out of the door, the other Scoobies following. "Party time. Party-style Buffy gets to go clubbing. Yay me!" Buffy said to herself. "Fun time party stuff ahead." 'And maybe a stop to my almost-naked Spike fantasies.' She added silently. Tonight would definitely be interesting, she was sure of that.   
  
TBC............................................. 


	5. 5/?

100% not beta-ed. Possibly the end of the fic, unless I feel like going in to write the final chapter. Well, enjoy, all you B/S shippers, this was set in an AU somewhere in the fifth season, if I remember correctly. I'm writing LotR fic now, btw, in case you wanted to read it. Probably not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Party Buffy, party Buffy," Buffy kept mumbling under her breath. In the last few hours it had almost become her mantra. She dug through the closet, trying to find a great club-outfit among the few articles of clothing she had thought to bring from Sunnydale.

She grabbed a hanger holding a dark green dress on it, examined it, then threw it to the floor with a loud "Grr!" Buffy's outburst startled Dawn, who looked up from the book she had been reading, curious as to why Buffy was 'Grr!'ing. Buffy just sat back on her bed and sighed.

Dawn picked up the rental car keys, and moved them around till they made a tinkly sound. Buffy looked up at the noise, then saw Dawn jiggling the keys in the air, grinning like a loon. "You know," Dawn said, her loon smile growing, "last time I checked, New Jersey still had shopping malls." Her smile then became so wide; that it looked like it was about to break her face.

Buffy looked confused at first, but after a few seconds, she caught on. "Yeah," she said to Dawn, her smile joining in on the face-breaking activities. "Randal did mention something about a decent-sized mall real close to here.

"Shopping spree?" Dawn asked, already knowing the answer.

Buffy snatched the keys out of Dawn's hand, and walked all the way to the door before looking over her should, and replying "Let's go."

Dawn jumped off the bed, her book entirely forgotten by now. "Weehoo!" She shouted to the empty room, right before she slammed the door behind her.

An hour of shopping later, they stopped in at the food court for lunch. Their arms were loaded with bulging bags, even though Buffy had yet to find a suitable outfit for that night's club experience.

"So," Dawn said, in between bites, "where to next?"

"I saw a place that looked like it might have something good in it on the way in. I think it was called 'Popular Girl'. Freaky name for a store, but it had some kick-ass looking dresses in its display window." Buffy took another gulp of her Pepsi; her straw making that annoying slurping sound meaning that her cup was empty. "Finnish your fries," she told Dawn, "I gotta get a refill."

Dawn shoved five fries in her mouth at once. She then answered Buffy through a mouth of chemical tasting french fries, "Yeah, yeah, I'm hurrying."

"Grow up," Buffy said, before getting her cup filled.

"Whatcha think?" Buffy asked, holding up a snakeskin slip dress.

"Aren't animal prints over?" Dawn said, before going back to looking through the racks.

"Probably why it's marked off 50%," Buffy replied, after looking at the tag.

"How 'bout this?" Dawn help up a pastel blue strapless.

"I really don't feel like looking all innocent and sweet tonight, actually," Buffy made an imitation of something resembling sweet, which made Dawn start giggling.

"Okay, no Shirley Temple wannabe dresses. Check," Dawn said, still giggling.

They looked through a few more racks, holding up possible dresses, making fun of the really ugly stuff that nobody in their right mind under of the age of thirty would be caught dead in. Flipping through the "Just In" section, Buffy found the perfect dress.

Red leather, cap sleeves, only going to about mid thigh, the perfect "Authority sucks, I just wanna party" type dress. She held it up for Dawn to see, and by Dawn's expression of Whoa!, Buffy knew she had found the perfect dress. She grabbed one in her size, and almost ran to the dressing rooms to try it on.

Waltzing out of Dressing Room 4 a minute later, Dawn could do nothing but stare. "It makes you look so much like... like..." Dawn floundered her words, and Buffy tried finishing her little sister's sentence.

"Like a hooker?" Buffy tried, thinking it herself.

"No. Like Cordelia, actually." At that point, Dawn started hatching ideas of how she could swipe the dress from Buffy's closet when they got home, and wear it to the Bronze.

"That slutty? Then it's perfect." Buffy went back into the dressing room, changed back into her clothes, then took the dress over to the cash register to pay for it. 

Three more stores later, Buffy had the perfect jewelry to go with the dress and a killer pair of shoes, red leather to match.

Happy about her purchases, and starting to think up a place to hide the dress when they got home so that Dawn couldn't wear it, Buffy looked down at her watch. "Shit! We're gonna be late." She looked around the mall and spotted Dawn eyeing up a tongue-piercing booth. "Dawn, don't even think about it." She grabbed Dawn and headed towards the exit, as fast as all their heavy bags would allow.

"What am I gonna do while you guys are gone?" Dawn asked on the ride back to the motel. 

"Randal said you could pick a video out at RST. We should be there in a couple of minutes." With that, Buffy turned on the radio and went as fast as the speed limit would allow.

Back at the motel room, Buffy was changing into her dress and doing her hair and make up while Dawn started up her movie. "What'd you rent, anyway?" Buffy asked from the bathroom.

"Scream 3," Dawn called back. "It's kinda lame, but it's got this great part where Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes do cameos."

"Who?" Buffy called back, putting on her shoes.

"Those cool guys from Chasing Amy, remember? The ones that Banky and Holden had to pay royalties to for using their likelihood's for the 'Bluntman and Chronic' comics." Dawn made a Duh! face, even though Buffy couldn't see her.

"Oh, that Ben Affleck movie you made me watch. It was pretty good." Buffy put the finishing touches on her lipstick, checked herself out in the mirror, then left the bathroom, pleased. 

It was Dawn's sacred duty as a little sister to make fun of Buffy in some way. "Got enough make up on? You seemed to have missed a spot or two," Dawn said in a taunting manner. 

Buffy replied by sticking her tongue out at Dawn.

"No, really, you look great Buffy. Gonna do a new kind of knocking guys dead tonight." Dawn stared at her sister, who no longer looked like her sister. She looked like a bad girl, like a woman who never had to worry about getting a date for Friday night. She did look great. 

A knock at the door startled Buffy and Dawn out of their semi-bonding moment. "That's Xander. I'm riding with him and Anya to the club," Buffy explained. She went over and opened the door to reveal Xander and Anya, decked out in really cool looking clothes.

"Ready?" Xander asked, even though it was obvious. Buffy nodded, and followed Xander out to the rental car. She got into the back seat, and almost got right back out again when she saw what was on the seat with her.

Spike smirked at the look of almost-horror on Buffy's face as she saw him. "What's wrong luv? Not expecting a hot guy to be sitting next to you on the ride to the club?" He smiled one of those too-hot-to-resist smiles at her, and she almost agreed with him.

"No, just not expecting to be riding with an annoying vampire, is all," Buffy said instead. "And do you even own an outfit that isn't black jeans and a black t-shirt?" She said at the site of his clothing. Clothing that was exactly what he had been wearing since they got there.

"If I remember correctly, I've got a white Billy Idol concert tee back at the crypt," he replied. He smiled at her response of turning her back on him. He always knew how to get to her.

Xander, sensing the oncoming battle of snappy comebacks, he asked the first question that popped into his head. Ok, maybe the second one. "So, Buffster, how was the mall trip with the Dawnster?"

"Yes," Anya asked, "how was your money spending?"

"Pretty good, actually. A nice, non-demon related afternoon." Buffy smiled. "Except for lunch. These two guys were arguing about Superman or something at the table next to us. Luckily, we were done eating by then. Before we left, they started talking about some guy from Fashionable Male, too. Something about how he was an ass or something. Weird guys." Buffy shrugged, once again stumped by the male species. 

"You'd think you'd be used to weird guys by now, slayer." Spike bit back the laughter. "I mean, you do specialize in that sort of thing." He couldn't hold it any longer, and started laughing his head off.

"You," Buffy pointed to Spike, "I am no longer paying attention to." She turned her back on him once again, and stayed silent for the rest of the ride. Anya and Xander tried to get her to talk, and spike made childish faces at her to get her to turn around, but nothing worked. 

"This should be an interesting night," Xander commented, as they pulled into the parking lot behind Willow and Tara, who had drove with Jay and Bob to get the directions.

"Party Buffy, remember, party Buffy," she mumbled under her breath, so low that even Spike couldn't hear it. "Party Buffy."

"Can I just say 'Wow'?" Willow said after entering the club. 

"You took the words right out of my mouth," Tara said, following Willow into the large, mostly-dark room.

There were people everywhere, and the music was throbbing. It was loud, not from the music, but from all the people talking. There was everything represented, from blue and green hair, to nose rings, to tattoos, to tongue piercing that you could only see every time the person opened their mouth. The dance floor was packed, the tables were full, and the room was filled slightly with smoke. Strobe lights and a disco ball in the center lit the room with an eerie light.

"And we'll be over there if you need us, but try not to," Jay said while pulling Bob over to a small, even less lit corner of the room.

"Okaaay, they're not doing what I think they're doing, right?" Willow asked, still kind of dazed from her first sight of the inside of the club.

"Try not to think about it. I know, let's dance," Tara half-dragged Willow out onto the dance floor.

"Yes, let's dance. Xander, we never get to dance," Anya said, pulling Xander out onto the dance floor, the expression on his face comical.

Buffy, out of habit, turned to ask Spike to dance, but saw him moving toward the bar. Buffy shrugged her shoulders, trying to not show the hurt she unexpectedly felt. She started towards the dance floor, hoping to get lost in the sheer mass of it.

An hour later, Buffy stumbled off the dance floor, exhausted and thirsty as all get out. She flopped down at a seat at the bar, scanning the room to see if she could spot any of her friends. 

"What's your poison?" The bartender asked. Buffy didn't hear him; she was still looking for her friends. No friends, just Spike. Spike flirting with a really hot blond. 

"Hello?" The bartender waved his hand in front of Buffy's face.

"Huh?" Buffy looked over at the tall brunette behind the bar.

"I asked what you wanted to drink." He smiled at her, a dazzling smile, almost close to being as cute as Spike's. He threw a flirty look at Buffy, then stopped smiling when she didn't even notice it.

"Oh, umm..." She paused to try and figure out what she wanted to drink. "Tequila," she blurted out, taking herself and the bartender by surprise.

"You sure?" He looked at her, puzzled. She nodded. "Well, what kind?"

"I don't know," she looked back at Spike, at the girl who was now flirting back. "The one with the worm at the bottom." She said decisively. She knew that was the strong stuff.

"Mezcal it is," he said, grabbing a shot glass from underneath the bar and a bottle from the shelf. She watched as he poured the shot. Shots were a lot bigger than she had thought, her eyes growing wider as he kept pouring. She picked it up, and took a sip. 

She almost spit it back out again. It tasted terrible. She looked over at Spike, hoping for a little sympathy, but saw Spike walking away, whispering in the little blond's ear. She took the shot and gulped the whole thing down. She slammed the glass down. "Another one!" She practically yelled at the guy. He quickly poured another one. She gulped that one down as she heard a yelp of surprise, and a yell of pain coming from elsewhere in the club. She just slammed down her glass and demanded another.

"Gimme another one," Spike slurred. It was his fifth shot of 151 rum, and he wanted some more. Deaden some of that pain. 'Damn bint, humiliating me in front of the whole bloody crowd. Think'd she'd never felt a hand on her ass before,' Spike thought, grumbling into his empty shot glass. "Didn't I bloody ask for another shot?!" He yelled at the bartender.

"I think you've had enough, buddy. Why don't you go out on the dance floor and work some of that alcohol off, 'kay?" The bartender, a red head who looked strangely like Willow in his drunken state, pushed him away from the bar, towards the dance floor. 

"Red, you're not the bloody boss of me, so just sod off." He sneered at the bartender, and stumbled off to the dance floor. "Teach her to not gimme more liquor. No bloody tip for Red." He grinned at nothing.

"You okay lady?" The bartender looked at her with worry plastered on his face.

"Damn straight I'm okay!" Never been more okay in my life," Buffy replied to the two bartenders in front of her. "Both of you can go back to serving me more tequila." 

"Okay, now I know you've had enough. Need me to call a cab for you?" 

"No! I'm still having fun. You're not going to stop Party Buffy! Party Buffy is invincible to tequila!" She tripped over her feet as she huffed off to the dance floor. Nobody would ruin her night. She then started dancing, stumbling a bit due to her drunken state.

Spike was still dancing, but the alcohol kept him tripping over his own feet. He spotted a blond, and started to dance with her. She started to get touchy feely, but Spike didn't mind a bit.

Buffy was dancing with a guy with bleach blond hair, feeling him up good. The chest, nice, well shaped. The arms, strong and muscular. The back, covered in a leather jacket or something like that. The ass, nice, very nice. The groin, da-hamn. Big just began to describe the guys bulge.

Raising her head, she said in a drunken voice, "You, I like."

"Slayer?" Spike mumbled, believing that it was Buffy feeling him up only because of the booze.

"Spike?" Buffy said, same tone as Spike. Drunken belief. She said the first thing that popped into her tequila-filled mind, "You're big," then went back down for another feel.

"Took you bloody well long enough to notice," Spike replied, before groaning in pleasure.

"You know," Buffy said, slurring just a bit, "I've always thought you were hot, just never wanted to say it." She smiled up at him. "What with your voice, and your body, and your coat." 

"You are a hottie too, you know," Spike said, helpless to the sudden feeling that washed over him, even in his drunken state.

"You've been hanging around with Dawn too much." Buffy smiled again.

"Oh, you think that, do you..." His words were cut off by Buffy's mouth. The kiss was hard, intense, almost frantic. 

Her tongue had just started exploring his when Spike pulled away abruptly. "We... we can't do this. It's not right." Spike cursed at himself for saying something so stupid. The kiss had driven away some of the effect of the 151 rum, and his nobleness, or his morals, or something, had gotten in the way.

"You're right," Buffy answered, making Spike's heart fall into his boots. She then grinned wickedly. "Not here. I'll go call a cab." She took off, leaving Spike with his thought of 'bloody hell'.

Buffy had called the cab, and was about to go back to Spike to resume the tongue wrestling, when she realized that she wasn't quite as drunk as she was. She wasn't one hundred percent drunk, but she still wanted to dive down Spike's throat as well as his body. She shrugged her shoulders, and decided she'd think about it later.

They were very frisky on the cab ride back to the hotel. By the time they reached it, Buffy's bra was unhooked, and Spike's pants were all but unzipped. Spike paid the driver, and then ran after Buffy to the door to his room. He unlocked the door, and scrambled inside, tearing off their clothing on the way to the bed. They hit the bed naked, and were on each other in a second.

Giles pulled the pillow over his head, cursing the fact that Spike had brought back some bimbo from the club to have a wild night of sex with. Bloody hell, they were loud. And if he didn't know any better, he'd swear that the female voice sounded an awful lot like Buffy's.

"Couldn't be," he told himself before rolling back over and trying to fall back to sleep despite all the noise from the next room over. 


End file.
